One of the funniest jokes I've heard in a while, dedicated to all my friends in the Air Force (Barely There Force, Chairborne Rangers, Air(conditioned) Force, Air Farce, etc):
A Marine gets out of the Corps after Nam and lives his life like the American dream. When the War on Iraq comes around 40 plus years later, he goes down to the local recruiting station and tells the recruiter "I want in, I want to fight!" But the recruiter says, "Sorry Buddy, you're too old."
"Fine," the guy says. "I'll go to the Pentagon. I have a friend there.
He'll let me in!" So he goes to the Pentagon and tells his friend,"I wanna fight!"
But his friend says "Sorry Buddy, you're too old." "Fine", the guy says. "I'll buy a boat and row to Iraq!"
So he goes out and buys himself a rowboat and starts rowing to Iraq, chanting "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" over and over again!
St. Peter sees all this and goes to God and says, "Lord, what do I do to stop this guy?" God tells St. Peter, "Why don't you take his brain? It's the root of all thought."
So St. Peter takes the guy's brain. It doesn't faze him, "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" St. Peter then says, "Now what?!"
God replies, "Why don't you take his heart? It's the seat of all emotion." So St Peter takes it. Doesn't faze the guy. "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!"
St. Peter says, "Now what should I do?" God smiles and says, "Take his balls."
So St. Peter takes the guy's balls. The guy stops rowing, looks confused, turns his boat around, and begins singing like a showgirl , "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder..."