Thursday, November 01, 2007

Gay Marriage

Honestly, I could care less whether gay people are allowed to marry or not. Why the hell should just us straight people lose 50% (or more) of our shit every time a relationship fails? Gays should enjoy that sort of horror equally with us. As well as the misery of having to deal with the same fat ass getting fatter the older we get. And waking up to the same nasty morning breath and bed-head every single morning. Welcome to it boys and girls. Enjoy it. Hell, I say MAKE 'em marry. That'll teach 'em. Fuck that bouncing from bed to bed, stuff. Get their asses in the same bathhouse every day with the same guy/girl. See how enthusiastic they are for gay marriage THEN!

Either way, the govt or some busybody down the street doesn't have any business telling me or my gay neighbor what we can do as long as it's not hurting others. And keeping with that same theme, I thought I'd post this list of reasons why gay marriage is bad.

  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittny Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Yep...makes sense to me....

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