Just another afternoon at the office....

[17:47] ProposalWhore: He called me to ask me to write a porposal[sic] section for oracle
[17:48] Me: you tell him that you had no experience with oracle and 'Hax0rguy'* and 'Slackass'* went to the oracle class?
[17:48] ProposalWhore: so i was like, i'll write up something for you.
[17:49] ProposalWhore: yeah i know.
[17:49] Me: and you wonder why you're everyone's bitch
[17:49] Me: you're a proposal whore
[17:49] ProposalWhore: ha
[17:49] Me: you can't say no

And people wonder why we get burned out......

*names changed to protect the innocent...and the lazy

OW

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in over a week....been busy, long story, too long to put here.

Anyway, went snowboarding with my kids this weekend. My daughter has never strapped on skiis a day in her life, but I put her in them, and it was like she'd done it several times. By the end of the weekend, she was screamin down the green slopes, faster than I was on my snowboard.
The boy on the otherhand, picked up snowboarding slowly. It takes a bit more to snowboard,(anyone who has tried both will tell you), because you don't have a very natural stance with it. Basically you're sliding down the hill sideways, and it just doesn't feel right....and stopping, well, that's another story altogether.
When I asked my kids their favorite part of the weekend, my daughter said "Going FAST", and my son said "Making butt-marks on the hill". Go figure.

I blame my wife.

Can't get it outta my mind-AUGH!

Funny
So I'm just surfing, killing time while waiting for the clock to tick. And I find an article on MSNBC.com (yeah, I know, what that hell was I doing at that commie site), LINKED from Fark.com, about this video of this fat kid, lip-sync'ing to a Romanian techno song, dancing around in his chair, generally being an idiot. So, I figure if the Today show can do an entire segment on this guy, I probably should have linked to it at least two days ago when it was first sent to me by my buddy Jared.

As long as I'm giving out links to videos who's music will do a head-fuck on you (definition: Get into your head and you'll never get it out), check this one, and this one, and this one.

That should fill up your head with crap for a couple hours anyway.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

So BW's sends me a link to the trailer for Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy movie that's supposed to be released this summer. The official site is here, but it doesn't have the Amazon trailer only a relatively small teaser.

Am I the only one who just realized that it's been years since I've read the book, and I don't even know where my copy of the books ARE? I think a visit to Amazon is in order to buy them again. Seriously, it's been 20 years since I read the books. I know, some of you are saying "Hey...I was two then"...and you're right. You're a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears pups. But listen to this old man when he tells you to go get the book, read it again, and enjoy the movie in May.

Bloglines

If you follow as many blogs and various sites as I do, you really need to check out Bloglines. If the site you follow has an RSS feed(and any site worth it's salt does), you can put it into there, and boom, all the new entries for that site just pop right up. It rocks. Seriously. Do it. Now.

You can also add this site to your bloglines feed merely by clicking the button on the right.

Love my country, fear my government

Yes, I'm a dyed in the wool Republican/Conservative. Am I 100% happy with the way things are going? Heck no. We could cut the amount of money the government spends on stupidity by 100%, and maybe give some of that money back to the people who earned it.

But no, the big concern that I have is those people out there on BOTH sides of the aisle, Republican AND Democrat that seem to think that people need to be taken care of and regulated. The 'cradle to gravers' as I like to call them. The ones who believe that the only way you can have a satisfying life is if the government gives it to you. They're the ones who think that the government needs to send your parents to prenatal classes on how to care for your baby, the ones who think you should send your children to government prescribed head-start programs, the ones who dictate what's taught in K-12, the ones who think that children should be exposed to only certain things during their school time, the ones who are offended by the use of the N-word in literature and would like to see those books banned, but are just fine with so-called 'gangsta rappers' using it to their hearts content. These are the same people who want to tell you what sort of vehicle you can drive, when you can drive, and IF you can drive.

I have to believe that these are the same people who never have lived their lives without fear. They constantly fear that someone may actually be having fun without it being government prescribed. The fear that someone may actually LIVE without their influence. And no matter what anyone says President Bush does not want to ban blogging. But these idiot 'C2Gers'(cradle to gravers) do, because you may actually get an opinion from one of them that hasn't been appropriately sanitized by them.

The ultimate Valentines Day post

For all you guys who forgot today was Valentines Day, (Like you frickin could with the damn adverts all stinking weekend), here's the best site for you

Semper Fi

One of the funniest jokes I've heard in a while, dedicated to all my friends in the Air Force (Barely There Force, Chairborne Rangers, Air(conditioned) Force, Air Farce, etc):

A Marine gets out of the Corps after Nam and lives his life like the American dream. When the War on Iraq comes around 40 plus years later, he goes down to the local recruiting station and tells the recruiter "I want in, I want to fight!" But the recruiter says, "Sorry Buddy, you're too old."
"Fine," the guy says. "I'll go to the Pentagon. I have a friend there.
He'll let me in!" So he goes to the Pentagon and tells his friend,"I wanna fight!"
But his friend says "Sorry Buddy, you're too old." "Fine", the guy says. "I'll buy a boat and row to Iraq!"
So he goes out and buys himself a rowboat and starts rowing to Iraq, chanting "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" over and over again!
St. Peter sees all this and goes to God and says, "Lord, what do I do to stop this guy?" God tells St. Peter, "Why don't you take his brain? It's the root of all thought."
So St. Peter takes the guy's brain. It doesn't faze him, "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!" St. Peter then says, "Now what?!"
God replies, "Why don't you take his heart? It's the seat of all emotion." So St Peter takes it. Doesn't faze the guy. "Semper Fi, Do or Die, OO-Rah, OO-Rah!"
St. Peter says, "Now what should I do?" God smiles and says, "Take his balls."
So St. Peter takes the guy's balls. The guy stops rowing, looks confused, turns his boat around, and begins singing like a showgirl , "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder..."

(mis)Management?

Why is it that some people would rather make their living by doing nothing. Merely making sure OTHERS do work. Is it because they're lazy? I'm going with that answer. Lazy and Stupid. I think this mostly because I've worked since I was 10 years old. That means 27 years for you folks that went to state schools. And during that time period (some of which was also spent in the military), I found that there are two types of supervisors: Leaders and Managers.

The ones I respect are the Leaders. They assume that you know what you're doing until you prove them otherwise. These are the people who are willing to get in and help do the work, and those who just stand aside and tell you how to do the job you've been doing for some time. I don't mind working for the former. Those are the folks who've worked their way up the ladder by doing things well, and have been promoted into leadership positions because of that. Those folks are the ones who know how you feel and don't micromanage you in your day-to-day operations. These are the people who can motivate you to walk through fire for them if you need to in your job. I realize there's not much call for firewalking in today's society, but if there WAS, these guys would be running the show.

Managers are the types that think that people are idiots and that THEY are geniuses. That people cannot do their jobs without the constant interference of managers. Now, while I'll agree that there are plenty of idiots out there, people aren't made to be managed. McDonalds hires managers. Grocery stores have managers. Most jobs where you don't have to really think, have managers. And if most people who work those jobs don't care whether you're managed or not. Hell, you probably don't even realize you're being 'managed'.

I like to refer to managers by another name...the pearls. Yes, the pearls, because they're basically just irritants. Yeah, maybe if you get a bunch of them together they may look pretty, but if you get right down to it, they've been formed from being irritating. They've never actually accomplished anything themselves, they just cause irritation, which causes the surrounding organism to have to do something to insulate that irritant.

Pearls are formed when an oyster gets a grain of sand or something inside it's shell. It forms a protective coating to keep the grain of sand from cutting it and infecting the soft inside of an oyster. Managers who are 'pearls' tend to be just that. The type of person who comes in when the job is going just fine, and has to insert themselves into the process just to show that they are actually doing something for the company. They 'add value'. (God I love buzzwords).

My opinion is that a couple of my eight bosses ("yes Bob, I have eight bosses"), are Leaders. The rest are just fucking pearls who get their paychecks for getting under the skin of my co-workers.

What we need to do is encase those dumbasses in a protective coating so that they don't hurt themselves. Or, better yet(for them), WE don't hurt them.

Reorganization Sucks

Ok, I know that I don't work for the dumbest company in the world. In fact, usually they're pretty good with allowing the people who do the work to make the decisions that affect how they do their job. However (and you knew a however was coming), recently we've undergone a re-organization. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "reorganization" it is synonymous with "You people don't know what the hell you're doing, we know your job better than you, and we're going to do it better and force our way down your throat". Of course, in the process of doing all that they're going to blather on with all the cool buzzwords like 'synergy', 'competency centers', 'paradigm shifts', and '10,000 foot view'.
Personally, there's at least a few people I'd like to take to 10,000 feet in a plane and push them the hell out.
We were told of this reorganization back in September/October time frame. Of course it was all hush hush, and no one was to know anything about anything. And the funny thing was, no one did. Including the people who were supposed to be running the show. The executive in charge made all the decisions regarding the entire infrastructure of the group, up to and including appointing people who only knew they were being appointed a week or two before the 'group symposium' where it was all being presented.
Leadership presented this symposium as an opportunity to get all your questions answered. But when it came down to it, we left with more questions than answers. They (that would be ONE person they, so I guess that's 'they' in the royal sense) structured the top level, and the 2nd level of the org chart, but basically left hundreds of people reporting to about 4. In addition, the group that was growing the fastest amongst the three combined groups, and the one that was the most profitable, was left out of the leadership tree. So apparently that's how my company awards you for kicking ass and taking names, by moving you out of the way, because apparently someone else knows how to do it better.
So, because of a wide-spread uproar(ok, there was about three of us who actually complained, but all three of us have grown a bit wider than we used to be), apparently it has been determined that a more detailed OrgChart should be developed. However (and get this) because of the complex nature of our team, it's going to take some time and thought to do it. Apparently the org chart where we were growing on an average of 30% a year wasn't good enough for them.
And people wonder why I have such a bad attitude.

Google rocks!

Ok, so I just figured I'd check to see if Google has found the juicy goodness that is my blog. And so I do a search, and it seems like EVERYONE is asking what the hell is wrong with you. So, needing the ego boost that seeing your page listed in Google, I thought "Hmm, what do I have on my page that others don't". Of course, I thought of the Duff-countdown, but heck, I found it using Google, so I know there's others. Then a flash from above, angels singing, and I realized it. Edward Kennedy Blows Goats. So I did the search and booya, I'm the only person in the Google-ized universe to have ever documented the fact that el Blimpo from Bahstahn does indeed fellate horned farm animals.
Now I've used Google to search for other stuff too, but this was cool. 'Other stuff' you say? But of course. Example: want Visa card numbers? Here's a few. Yeah, you can be creative and modify the search to find other types of stuff too. Movies, pictures, Excel files, PDFs, Word Docs....and some of this stuff is actually interesting (but the majority isn't), especially when these files include passwords, social security numbers and whatnot. Another fun thing is to find unsecured webcams. A guy wrote an entire book on this, available on Amazon, and since he's pretty much one of the original GoogleDorks, it's a pretty damn good book. Check it out if you get a chance.

Ted Kennedy on Meet the Depressed with Tim Russert

The party of Teddy Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy is reduced to this.....

New links

Had to add two new links to my 'favorite' list. Both I'd been to back a while ago, but had completely forgotten about.
The Best Page in the Universe is pretty damn funny, and the kid has attitude to spare. While I don't necesarily agree that it's the BEST page, it's pretty damn good.

Tucker Max, well, let's put it this way, the boy can party. I thought I could throw down, but this guy, even back when I was in the Corps and was in my best partying shape, I'm not sure we would have survived partying together. I have been told by at least three completely different friends (people who I know from different areas, work, soccer, etc) that it seemed like we were separated at birth. But now I'm old and don't party like a rock-star anymore. His stories are amazing funny. Don't bother reading them at work if you have things to do, because I guarantee you won't get them done. There were times when I was laughing so damn hard I was crying, so don't say I didn't warn you.

Mac? Doesn't McDonalds sell those?

Here's to you B-Wags, a tribute to the Macintrash.

*NEW* Due to the popularity of the previous post, I've been asked to also post this moving tribute to the amazing power of Apple technology

Another 'Blame America' idiot

So, I'm a huge Denver Bronco fan. So much so that I actually read the Denver Post online edition (no I don't live anywhere near Denver) to get updates on the team (yeah, THAT big a fan). While perusing the Post, I see a controversy over some idiot professor (yes, I know, redundant) at University of Colorado. Apparently he wrote an essay about how the 9/11 attacks were just the result of U.S. imperialist policies and that the deaths of 3,000 of his countrymen were just 'chickens coming home to roost'. He attributes the phrase to that GREAT American, Malcom X, who when asked what he thought of the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the president of the United States, said that it was a case of the "chickens coming home to roost".

Now in my opinion (and that's why you're here, isn't it boys and girls?), this guy has his head so far up his ass he needs a plexiglass belly-button to see his way around.

He attributes 500,000 deaths of Iraqi children to the American bombing of infrastructure targets during the Gulf war and the subsequent trade sanctions with Iraq. The interesting thing is that I thought that the people of his ilk all said during the election that there WAS NO connection between the 9/11 attacks and Iraq. Hmm
Of course, he has NO reliable source to back up his numbers of a half million dead children, I think he probably just threw a dart at a dartboard and multiplied it by 100,000. He must be as bad a dart player as he is a professor. Apparently the rape rooms, torture chambers, and prisons were just fine with this moron, but the lack of flouridated drinking water is a crime against humanity.

As much as I hate doing it, I'm going to link to this idiot's essay, so that everyone who reads this can also read the complete idiocy of his position, and realize that there are people out there that HATE America. And I don't mean the terrorists, but other Americans. There are people, born and raised here, who HATE America and everything we stand for. They piss and whine and bitch and moan about everything the government and the people of this great land do. The interesting thing is that they never actually DO anything about it, but they definitely exercise their right to bitch.

I wish they'd go to China and 'exercise' their freedom of speech and see how well that works out for them. I'd pay for the trip.